I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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