It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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