i would punch a child for taco bell
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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