Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
