If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
