is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
