dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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