On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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