Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
