I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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