OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
