You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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