i just had sex bonerless
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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