It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
