So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I look better un-naked...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he was CRYING into my vagina
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
