at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
