Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
