I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
