It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
