I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
