I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
