Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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