Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize