Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My underwear smells like fireworks.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
