I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I need moral support for this bender
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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