We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
