Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
