Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
