you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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