took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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