maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
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Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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