I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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