Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
