yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
