i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
