This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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