i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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