So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
