My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
