if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
