I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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