Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
