WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
