you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
whose parrot is this?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
