I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
