im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
