don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
