I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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