a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
