I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
