Barsexuality is the new black.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
