I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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