So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
