never play flip cup with pint glasses
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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