There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
