I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
