i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
