If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
