i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
