I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
