your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
