My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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