She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
