glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
