So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
