Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize